She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
