she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
