Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
