So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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