If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
