You can't motorboat a personality
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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