i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
