did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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