I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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