You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
