just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
