I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Bring me that man meat
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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