She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
