Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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