but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
