She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You smell like stripper and shame
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
