And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
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