Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
