I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
