I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
