So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
