You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
