honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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