I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
