can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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