I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
3pm strippers are depressing
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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