i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
