Non-Jews are for practice
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
