so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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