Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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