She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
