I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The best revenge is premature balding
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
