did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
