Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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