omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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