More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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