i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Couch. On fire.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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