Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
