I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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