So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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