Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
