that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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