I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
