if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Randomize
