You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize