burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
