I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize