Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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