I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
