just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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