I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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