well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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