Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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