She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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