I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
