i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
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my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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