I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
