I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it was like eating out sand paper
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
