We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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