so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
