I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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