so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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